I held my newborn child to my heart and

I held my newborn child to my heart and

God was a wave that knocked me ass over elbow
and as I tumbled


in that sea of Love
God spoke to my soul:

I love you as you love this
wet, wrinkled start of a human being

Love rushed over me, around me, through me

Wave after wave broke over my head
and my fears flapped and scattered
like squawking seagulls on the sand

and then, I was on the shore, still holding my baby girl
and pondering all these things in my heart

In the years since then,
I have come to see that God spoke
not a declaration
but a Mobius strip of love

I love you as you love this little one as you love me so you love this little one as you love me so I love you

around and around God’s promise goes,
and grows
no beginning
no end

About Tamara

The church jargon is: approved for ordination, pending call. After eight years of seminary, and three years of CPE, internships, externships, and youth ministry gigs, I sit, perched on the brink of ordained ministry, ready to dive into full-time, full hearted ministry. But so far, no calling. I am a mom, a minister, a wife and a friend living in a small town outside Seattle. My husband Jeff and I raised our daughters Miranda and Nicole in community--designing, building, and making our home with our good friends John and Laurie and their daughters Naomi and Esther. Our own daughters Miranda and Nicole are recently launched to college, but happily live only a hop skip and a jump away. Our combined household also includes a Labradoodle, a Newfoundland, a 75-pound mutt and a 2-year-old puppy. I enjoy cooking (and eating), reading, writing, jogging, biking and yoga. I give my guitar and my garden less time and attention than I ought to, but love them both, nonetheless.
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2 Responses to I held my newborn child to my heart and

  1. Pingback: More on the Mobius Strip of Love | A Live Coal in the Sea

  2. Linda Kesler says:

    I too felt that rush of love, wonder, awe when you were brought to me. I didn’t care if you had the correct number of toes & fingers. I just wanted to hold you. You were perfect to me. I did not recognize an outside presence if there was one. The time I spent nursing you was one of the happiest & most fulfilling times in my life. I felt such love . I am sorry that I didn’t translate that into good parenting. I regret that I didn’t find the UU church much earlier. I regret that I didn’t search for books on parenting. I did reach out for psychiatric help which was a disaster and turned me away from psychiatrists. I only went when my divorce lawyer made me go to hers. Much too late for parenting. He was good but I still lose control & feel the rage you speak of. I just heard recently that yelling can be more hurtful to a child than hitting. Once you told me you always knew I loved you. I hope so. I did & do. I have not experienced a religious other. I don’t reject the possibility, but it is difficult to reconcile. I would like to think of God as he is in Greg Isles fictional book Footprints of God. I would like reincarnation to be true, but that would require the existance of a soul which is also difficult for me to accept.

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